Spite on the Side: Car Naming

Does your car have a name? Did you follow the rules for naming it? Did you know there WERE rules for naming it? My heart weeps because my current vehicle doesn't have a name, and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it.... so I figured I'd blog about it.

There really aren't many rules, but it's necessary they are followed meticulously unless you want your car to be mocked by all the other more popular bully cars.

1) You can't name your own car. It's like a nickname, if you try to give one to yourself it never sticks (and your friends make fun of you behind your back.)

2) The process usually takes time due to the nature of it's natural occurance, but under some special circumstances it can be forced.

These circumstances include but are not limited to:

a) Road Trips

b) Festivals

c) If the car is a gift

i) Birthday

ii) Christmas

iii) Valentines Day

d) To impress the ladies

3) Once a vehicle has been named, despite how much you love or hate the name, it sticks! Sometimes a car can have more than one name, but you must recognize ALL names that have been assigned and accepted by the masses

Here are some examples and stories of cars me and my friends have been involved in naming.

Owner: Johnny Etchemendy

Vehicle: 1984 Toyota Tercel Wagon (The original was white, but I couldn't easily find a picture and I didn't want to waste the time trying to find one)

Named: Old Dirty Hank

Story: The name "Old Dirty Hank" comes from a Barenaked Ladies song (Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank) that was a favorite of mine in high school. Bryce Sagers named the car Old Dirty Hank and named me Straw Hat. Turns out people loved the name Old Dirty Hank for my car. Straw Hat on the other hand, did NOT stick as a nickname for me. This is perhaps one of the most remembered cars I've owned with some of the best memories. Old Dirty Hank lives on in my heart and anybody that knew him in his prime.

Owner: Johnny Etchemendy

Vehicle: 2000 Kia Sportage

Named: Bounce-a-tron; The Rolodex; Dexter the Rolling Stone

Story: Not much of a story. As far as I can remember, Bryce Sagers came up with all these names, and it has been regularly referred to by all three names. Rolodex was probably the most common, but it often went by Dexter.

Owner: Bryce Sagers

Vehicle: 1992 AND 1993 Chevy Corsicas

Named: King Cedric Silver Fox & Prince Cedric Silver Fox

Story: There were actually two of these vehicles. A '92 and a '93 that were owned by the Sagers family. Bryce drove both of them. The '92 Corsica was the King and the '93 was Prince. I'll be honest, I could never tell the difference.

Owner: Kamille Barker

Vehicle: 1994 Honda Accord

Named: MacGyver

Story: Bryce Sagers, Scott Tuckfield, Jonathan Gracey, and I were all trying to get to a concert in Denver Colorado. The problem was that we didn't have a vehicle that could get us there. None of our parents would lend us a vehicle and the day before we were supposed to leave we didn't know what to do! Then my older sister came through and told us we could take her car. Since he came through just in the nick of time we named him MacGyver.

Owner: Joanne Rich

Vehicle: ???? Toyota Highlander

Named: Nigel the Norwegian Constable

Story: Bryce Sagers, Bobby Rich, and I were again going to a concert, but this time it was in Las Vegas. Bob's mom told us we could take her car so we decided it definitely needed a name. We all posed names and surnames, and through democratic processes, we settled on Nigel the Norwegian Constable. Shortly after we returned Joanne decided she wanted to name her car. She wanted to name it Rhonda because of the song, but nobody would recognize the name because she didn't follow the rules.

Owner: Johnny Etchemendy

Vehicle: 1998 Subaru Outback

Name: Ira

Story: There was a sticker on the back of my car when I bought it that said "Ira" and the rest is history. I didn't like it at first, but that's how everybody referred to my car, so I lived with it...

Here are some cars that need names, but it's just never happened... Maybe you can help and we'll see if any of them stick.