My Conflicted Father

I love my dad, I really really do, but he is the most difficult person to be around that I've ever met in my life.  You can't carry on a conversation with him unless it's about making money or hunting.  Those are the only two topics that interest him, and if you're a member of his family, watch out!  It's likely you've been chastised over the most ridiculous things.  Here is an example (and the event that instigated this post.):

I'll start at the beginning.

Sunday was a snowy day.  When I woke up I got ready for church and was running late because I was going to the meeting of a friend because he was blessing his baby. When I got in my car and opened the garage, the driveway had been shoveled already.  My dad had gotten up early and shoveled.


At this point the shoveled driveway doesn't even register in my mind at all.

I went about my Sunday activities and came home.  The first thing my dad says is, "Thanks a lot for helping me shovel the driveway this morning."  I respond by telling him that it was already shoveled by the time I woke up.  This, of course, is an insufficient answer for Steve Newton.  He rants for a few moments about how I shouldn't have to be asked to help and I should wake up early to take care of things like this.... blah blah blah.

Sunday continues.

9:00pm rolls around and I notice that there is another couple inches of snow that's fallen, so taking a page out of my dad's book, I went outside and shoveled the driveway.  He saw me put my coat on, he saw me go outside, he saw me come back in with wet shoes 10 minutes later. He doesn't say a word.  No thank you, no offer to help, nothing.  And this is fine.  I certainly didn't need his help, it isn't a very big driveway, but after it was a point of conflict just hours earlier, I thought maybe he'd notice that I was listening to him.  Whatever, it doesn't matter.

A few hours later I go to bed.

When I wake up Monday morning at around 6:30 to get ready for work the house is quiet like it usually is.  I get dressed, get in my car, drive to work. The driveway looked exactly the same as it did when I finished shoveling the night before.

I work until 6:30pm.

When I get home, my dad is lounging on the couch and the first thing he says is, "Thanks a lot for helping me shovel the driveway this morning."  Wait, what?!  I respond, "I shoveled it last night, and it was fine when I woke up at 6:30 this morning."  He then exclaims, "That's because I woke up early and did it so Callie wouldn't drive over it on her way to school!"  Callie doesn't leave for school until 7:30, a full hour after I left that morning.  I won't complete the minor argument we had verbatim, but here are the summarized versions of our arguments.

Dad's Points

• "You're almost 26 years old."
• "I shouldn't have to ask you to help out around here!"
• "You should know that you need to get up early to shovel the driveway!"

My Points

• "I was the first person to leave in the morning, so had it needed to be shoveled, I would have done it.  It doesn't take that long."
• "I shouldn't be held accountable for waking up 2 hours earlier than I need to in order to beat him to the driveway."
• "If he wanted my help, then all he has to do is ask.  There is no way I'd say no."

I like this example because it shows how frustrated he gets over such menial things.  This has been my conflict with him for 20 years, and it's only since I've matured a little that we've been able to be friends.  Generally I don't fight him about anything, because I've finally learned that no matter how logical an argument or how trivial a subject, there is no way to change my dad's mind about anything.  It isn't possible.

I see on a regular basis the good things about him:  He's absolutely the hardest worker I've ever known in my entire life. It's incredible.  He can go full speed all day long and not think twice about it.  He has the ability to recognize a person in need and goes far out of his way to make them feel accepted.  Every single time I've ever visited my family in Texas for a Christmas or Thanksgiving, there is a stranger at the table that my dad has befriended because they didn't have anybody else.  He loves hunting and fishing and gives more filleted fish away to neighbors and friends than you'd be able to believe.  He has a strong sense of responsibility to provide monetarily for his family (but only the bare necessities.  Anything outside of basic food or shelter is angrily looked down on.  Fortunately my mother is a little more gracious in that regard.)

How is it then, that this man consistently treats his family so poorly?  This subject strikes a deeper nerve other than simply a conflict between me and my dad.  There is a sense of futility about not only my relationship with him, but his relationship with everybody in our family, and for 20 years I've had no idea how to confront it.

He makes my mom and sister cry fairly regularly.  He is critical of everything I do with no thought for praise if it's something he's proud of.  He's so hard on my brother-in-law that in order for him (the brother-in-law) to be happy, he had to bail out of the family business.  I don't know... I know nobody is perfect, and I likely have way more issues than my dad does, but I can't imagine anything in the world being more important than your wife and kids.  Sure, I'm not married and I don't have kids of my own, but I want to be the kind of husband and father that never yells at his children (now before those of you that know me well start laughing let me continue).  It's likely that I may lose my temper every now and again, but if you're striving to be better, the chances are you'll always get better.  And the follow up to that statement is, that if I do fall short of that goal and raise my voice, I can promise that I'll apologize.  I can't think of a single time I've ever heard a sincere apology out of my father.  I'm sure there has to be an example, but I can't think of one.

I kind of regret all the negative things I've addressed here.  Like I said only two paragraphs before, Steve Newton really does have some fantastic attributes.  I just wish some of them would apply to his family, and not just his friends and strangers.  Let me end on a slightly higher note...

Here are a few things I've learned from my dad's example (or from his bad example) that I have, try to, or want to integrate into my life.

1. How to work.  This includes so many different things.  Plumbing, drywall, landscaping, concrete flatwork, and just plain work ethic.  I owe my professional work success to my dad.
2. If your son or daughter comes home excited to show you the 4.0 report card they got, don't respond with, "At least you're not grounded this quarter."  Show a little praise.  Otherwise your children may never work as hard as they should in school.
3. Love your neighbor.  There are so many people that my dad has affiliated with at church and through work that love him for showing an interest in their lives.  
4. Money certainly isn't everything.  If you base your happiness on the amount of wealth you can acquire, then when a recession hits you're likely to become very very unhappy.

I love my dad, but I'm eternally grateful that I have the ability to build off his strengths, while filtering out his failings.  Now all I have to do is find a way to implement the same process so I can eliminate my own many weaknesses.  Then I'd be in great shape...

How does this help anybody learn?

This is just a quick shot of the black board during a typical class period in my Shakespeare class... (You can tell there are at least 15 minutes of class left because there are spaces on the blackboard to fit a few more random words)  Thanks Professor, The Merchant of Venice is infinitely more clear to me now!

You've Betrayed Me Wells Fargo!

I have a lot of friends that have been clients of Wells Fargo Bank in the past, and have left because they had poor experiences with the customer service there. Wells Fargo, I've stuck up for you for years! When the criticisms came in thick, I brushed them off with a wave of my "High Value Customer" hand. Then you went and stabbed me in the back. Here's my tale:

I performed one action to bring this headache on, and it was making one deposit. I made one deposit and the following is what has happened in that poor decision's wake...

So I go to Wells Fargo on Tuesday, the 19th to make a deposit so I can pay my tuition for school this semester. I get to the teller line and visit with Jorge while he makes my deposit. He hands me the receipt and I immediately notice that he left a zero off the end of my deposit. I point out the sizable difference in dollar amount and he calls his manager over to fix the problem. The manager notices the amount and decides he wants to put a hold on the check. I tell him that I need it for tuition and can't afford to wait for a hold to clear, so he asks if it's okay if he holds just SOME of the check.

Fine. I don't care. As long as I have enough available for tuition.

The transaction completed, I leave the branch.

Wednesday, January 20
I get online to make a transfer so I can pay my tuition, but something is different... what could it be? Oh yes, the positive balance I had in my checking account the day before is now mysteriously nearly $900 in the negative! Some quick maths inform me that the difference between the amount I had on Tuesday (prior to my deposit) and the amount I have Wednesday is exactly the same amount as the hold the Store Manager placed on my account. Not only is my account missing all this money, but the sizable deposit I had just made is no where to be seen. Usually you'll see a deposit as 'pending' until it posts, but my account shows no such transaction.

I phone my pal Bryce. He works for Wells Fargo, in fact, he works at the very branch I made my deposit at (but he wasn't at work at the time I was in.) I say, "Bryce, I'm missing a whole bunch of money..."

Bryce is a good man. He replies, "Yep."

Bryce tells me he's gotta make some phone calls to see what the deal is and promises he'll call right back. When Bryce calls me back he tells me a whole bunch of bank transaction process mumbo jumbo (which I actually understood since I used to work for Wells Fargo) and posts a credit to my account in the amount of my original deposit. He makes it clear that it won't look normal for a few days because they had to find my original paperwork that they had already mailed in to the back shop. Whatever, there's money in the bank.

Thursday, January 21
Email 1 (6:09am): I wake up and check my email. Subj:Wells Fargo Overdraft Protection Advance. I'm not sure why I need Overdraft Protection Advances when I haven't even made a withdrawal, but apparently Wells Fargo was happier seeing all the money in my Savings Account and all the available credit on my credit card moved into my checking account. I call up my good pal Bryce and he says, "Yeah, I saw that this morning. Don't worry, just call me if you get any service fees."

I'm super grateful for Bryce. He's been a champ helping me out with all this, but the problem is that there shouldn't be an issue in the first place. I should have to worry about service fees simply because I made a deposit.

Email 2 (4:43pm): Subj: Insufficient Funds Notice. Really? Alright. I don't even have time to check what this is about because I'm on my way to school. I call up Bryce and leave him a message. He responds a couple hours later telling me that there were some service fees and he reversed them and assured me the problem would be fixed by tomorrow.

Once again, Bryce is the man for taking care of things for me, but I fear what this experience would have been like if I didn't have a close friend on the inside watching out for me. I have finally experienced what all my friends have and why they've left Wells Fargo.

Wells Fargo, you broke my heart.

Where's the Love?!

What happened to celebrating the days of our ancestors? 100 years ago our forefathers crossed the path of September 9th, 1909, and I'm sure they knew the significance of 09/09/09. I called every people and nobody would join me in celebration of 09/09/2009. What has happened that we have fallen so far out of touch with our obligation to party for even the most minor of reasons that we overlook such a sacred responsibility to party like it's 1809, 1909, or even 2009?

Schedule Followup.... @ Midnight...

Remember how my last post showed my awful schedule? Well, yesterday I made a deal with the head dispatcher at work that I would do a 12:01am concrete pour for him this morning, and then I'd work in the office for a few hours after the pour was over. In return I'd be given the rest of the day off to recuperate and prepare for school in the evening. Sounds reasonable, yeah?

This morning I walk into the office on my way to that 12:01 job and I see that I have sitework scheduled until 3:30 in the afternoon! What in the business?! So I'm suppose to stay up from midnight until 4:00pm, then still find time to get my homework finished before my 6:00pm class? When exactly am I suppose to fit sleep into this plan?! I'm mad as fire bees right now! I understand that we have clients to take care of and jobs to cover, and I'm more than willing to do my part, but this is mf'ing ridiculous!

iPhone Betrayal!

Tell me. What can you notice that is different between these two phones?

Answers:

One of them is 3G[S], the other is 3G.

One of them is white, the other is black.

One of them is a 32GB model, the other is a 16GB model.

One of them is the symbol of betrayal... You win this round Rich Patterson...

Someone Needs to Defend the Hufflepuffs!!!

That's right... I'm standing up for all the Hufflepuffs out there! I'm sick and tired of all you self righteous Gryffindor's, stuck up Ravenclaw's, and power hungry Slytherine's ragging on the hard working, loveable Hufflepuff's. Where did they ever get this ill conceived reputation for being the sissiest of the houses? What about our homeboy Cedric Diggory? The REAL champion of Hogwarts! The only reason Harry Potter got into the Tri-Wizard tournament is because Ol' V-mort arranged it, but who did the Goblet of Fire REALLY choose? A Hufflepuff you jerks!

Yes, I took one of those "Which house do you belong in?" quizzes and I'm ashamed to admit that when the sorting hat shouted "HUFFLEPUFF!" I was a slightly dismayed, but then I realized something... Hufflepuff has got it goin' on baby! Hard working, loyal, fair, loving. I love the color yellow, and have you ever tried to kill a badger?! They will mess you UP! Just like Johnny will mess you up if you have a problem with Hufflepuff, the sexual dynamos of the Wizarding World.

Internet, you win... You always do.

DISCLAIMER: This post is long and rambly... I apologize in advance for anybody that makes it all the way though.

Yes, I've decided to give this blogging thing the old college try. I've been an outspoken member of the anti-blogging community for some time now, but I've been compelled to swallow my pride in more than one facet of my life recently so I'm going to give blogging a try and see where it takes me.

The vast majority of my personal insight and moments of clarity are inspired by the meaningful conversations I engage in with my closer friends. Sometimes it's a new perspective on a stale or stagnant idea; sometimes it's merely rewording my own thoughts more clearly than I've been able to. Often, and as unlikely as it seems, it's more like a television sitcom where the one character will apply knowledge gained from a different characters experience during the episode to solve their own problem. What I'm getting at is that comments, feedback, and criticism are most welcome to anything you may read here in my blog.

On a slightly different note, I'll warn you that often my original drafts takes a very stream of consciousness feel to them and I don't foresee myself proof reading and revising these posts, so I apologize in advance if you feel that I'm rambling. Just try to pull out the significant information while simultaneously attempting to avoid being distracted by my often incoherent thought processes.

Let me explain why today I've finally caved and jumped on the blog-wagon...

Today I left work around 10:30 because there just wasn't anything to do and I didn't feel like sitting around the office all day trying my hardest to look busy. I came home, took a shower, read a little bit, made some lunch, took a nap, read a little bit more, got some dinner, goofed around on the internet, and then read a little bit more. My day has been an entire waste. The nap is about the only productive thing I've done. Maybe if I were reading something for a class or some sort of self-improvement literature, but it's a fantasy novel that I'm reading for no other reason than entertainment. Boredom has driven me here.

Now let me list all of the things I could have done with my time and maybe somebody will have their own insight as to what I can do differently. I could have:

1. Started a blog.

2. Gone to Deseret Industries around the valley looking for roller hockey equipment.

3. Called Sara's friend she wants to set me up on a blind date with.

4. Gone to Home Depot and got the blinds my dad wants me to put up in the warehouse.

5. Taken the trailer sitting outside to the dump like I told my dad I would a week ago.

6. Done my laundry

7. Studied for my Structural Masonry exam for work.

8. Gone running, biking, or swimming.

9. Cleaned up my living space.

10. Removed all the junk from my car that has been building up for months now

11. Gone to the bank to deposit the checks that have been sitting in my wallet for over a month.

12. Read something more uplifting like my scriptures.

13. Visited with a school counselor so they can remove the block on my registration. (Being a second year transfer student, the University of Utah requires you meet with an advisor before you can register for classes)

The list goes on...

This is the same struggle I've faced my entire life and I've never found a remedy for it. A MAJOR lack of motivation. It's crazy; I have an almost obsessive compulsive drive to see certain things completed. Recently this has taken the form of TV series. Once started I'm willing to drop everything to finish it even if the series isn't that great. Not long ago I spent a month watching all of That 70's Show. What in the hell?! By the end I wanted to gouge my own eyes out! How can I obsess over completing an awful TV series, but when it comes to school and improving my life and the life of my future family, I'd rather stare at a blank wall for hours on end than do any real work?

It's amazing how differently I seem to view socially intensive activities though. For example, my senior year in high school I was extremely involved in student government. I spent my life at that school volunteering for every assignment I could, going to every event, sacrificing my time to complete arduous tasks so they'd be ready in time for the next assembly. I was rarely ever at home because I was so involved and it wasn't because I wanted to improve our school, but because I loved working with all my friends to do it all. Sadly the real world isn't so accommodating, is it? People grow up, get married, have jobs, go to school, move out of the country...

How do I embrace this change and trudge on anyway?

P.S. I swear, not all my blog posts will be so depressing.